( perhaps he is fussing - and perhaps that might (just this once) be alright. might go without the usual warm reassurance that there's no need, not because there is need (that's still up for debate) but because proving otherwise sounds exhausting at this particular juncture. certainly far more exhausting than allowing himself to be tended to, and perhaps it might even allow runyu to feel a bit better about all of this in the process. far too often in this realm has xingchen felt impotent to assist when someone he cares for is ailing, and he knows that even such little things as tidying a scratch as runyu does now can lend the peace of mind that at least he's done something.
either way, the fussing is quite thoroughly derailed the moment xingchen accepts the offer to unbandage his eyes. the pause which follows (however subtle runyu tries to make it) is perhaps the loudest silence that xingchen has heard in quite a while - as if in that quiet he can hear the way that the offering resonates through runyu, ricocheting off of every single jagged self-flagellative edge that he contains along the way.
(is it truly still so much of a shock for xingchen to trust him wholeheartedly? one would think that runyu might recognize the inevitability of it by now, regardless of whether or not he believes himself deserving of it.)
'then i'll do that,' comes a murmur, sounding every bit as inadvertently tentative as xingchen himself did. as though together they step lightly across the surface of a frozen lake, never quite certain enough of the thickness of the ice to place their weight with confidence but advancing steadily nonetheless - and perhaps there's a sort of comfort in that. in different circumstances it might almost be amusing, how the both of them being slightly ill-at-ease actually seems to put xingchen more at ease. 'please instruct me as i proceed.' but it seems (based on the way in which he begins unbidden, as well as the verbal clarification which follows) that runyu meant more along the lines of speaking up if he missteps. whether or not he intended to finish his 'if i do something wrong,' xingchen interrupts regardless - first with light knuckles coming to rest along the side of runyu's elbow (as fingertips might, if not for the claws), far too light to mistake for anything more than encouragement, and then with a murmured: ) You'll do fine. ( three quiet words, more warmth than volume, even if the accompanying flicker of a smile doesn't linger in the face of his undeniable unease.
it's not until a good second or two after he's bowed his head slightly to acquiesce the untying efforts that he thinks to offer any more useful words on the matter - but then they come, just as soft as the last despite the fractionally more pragmatic tone. ) These still bleed as well. There isn't much to be done about that. I understand that you might be inclined to tidy them up, but they won't stay as such, so we'd do best just to wrap them back up and be done with it. ( though his words remained steady, at some point amidst them he felt the first layer of bandaging come untied and his breath has been just a bit shallower since (in the way that one's breath often goes shallow when told to hold still). he doesn't quite notice it. he's a bit preoccupied at the moment. though the outer bandage was worn as it typically is, a second bandage remains, this one tied quite a bit tighter and stained a much darker red despite the way in which it layers thicker over each eye. it was the best solution that he and jiang wanyin had at the time to keep the slow but steady leaking of blood from trickling messily down each cheek. he had hoped that perhaps it might hold out until the fog has worked enough healing to stop the bleeding altogether. at the very least, this new bandaging should do precisely that. )
[Runyu believed those words and soft gesture from Xingchen would steady him for the next part, the gentle pressure to believe in his friend’s faith warming him up from the chilling disquiet that lingered inside him at the acceptance. He listens to the warning and believes he is prepared. But it is still not enough.
Runyu can’t help it, the staring that follows the lowering of the first layer of bandages to the stained crimson sunken shapes beneath. His hands clench on the bandages still in his hands and he swallows, turning his head away soon after to contain his expression, his emotion. The vulnerable, fragile acceptance from his friend earlier seems all the more daunting with his wounds revealed like this, his weakness unmasked before him. As his friend has warned, the sunken eyes are still bleeding, weeping, and he wars with the storm of emotions that comes with that added detail. Once again, he recalls the terrible state of another that came back to him, yet how utterly distant she truly was, and his heart swells with the unshakable memory, the fracturing from that loss. But then again, he knows that Xingchen’s situation is different, and that helpless lump lights up into cold flame, turning away from an impotent desire to erase it to destroying the person who would turn his friend’s sacrifice into such visions of trauma. For a long moment, he wonders if they lingered in that illusion long enough, could he give his friend the justice he deserved by embracing that cold, hard fury once more. However, it is that thought that calms him down and brings himself under control, burying both aching agony and the stinging cold whispers of his inner psyche into check. He does not trust himself to not lose himself to it, and such a sight is the last thing he wants Xingchen to witness. There is also a calmer part of Runyu that acknowledges the selfish desire in the supposed actions of erasing it all at this point in time. Even if the powers of the Night Immortal and Heavenly Emperor were returned to him, healing everything with a wave of his hand would be only for his benefit. It is not his place to return his friend’s eyes to him and undo his sacrifice. Not unless that is Xingchen’s decision in a place where he can assist. Which is not here.
He closes his eyes, his throat working as another old revelation fills his mind, of why he couldn’t see his actions clearly back then. And Runyu recognizes the difference here but also the parallels.
The peril.
But it is too late to turn back.
His heart has already opened up to Xingchen and he’s too weak to resist.
No, he’s made the decision to accept the consequences — to hope that he’s strong enough not to fail again.
And so, Runyu busies himself with the care, carefully pulling back the darker bandages and swallowing before placing gauze in their place. Another layer to keep the blood from alarming anyone until the Fog heals him. If Xingchen doesn’t say anything, he starts wrapping the layers of bandages to keep the gauze in place. His eyes narrow as he works, his lips in a firm line to keep his hands from adding too much pressure to the wraps. It’s a thin line between comfort and doing the proper job.
His heart hammers in the back of his mind, his fingers trembling as he works. ]
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either way, the fussing is quite thoroughly derailed the moment xingchen accepts the offer to unbandage his eyes. the pause which follows (however subtle runyu tries to make it) is perhaps the loudest silence that xingchen has heard in quite a while - as if in that quiet he can hear the way that the offering resonates through runyu, ricocheting off of every single jagged self-flagellative edge that he contains along the way.
(is it truly still so much of a shock for xingchen to trust him wholeheartedly? one would think that runyu might recognize the inevitability of it by now, regardless of whether or not he believes himself deserving of it.)
'then i'll do that,' comes a murmur, sounding every bit as inadvertently tentative as xingchen himself did. as though together they step lightly across the surface of a frozen lake, never quite certain enough of the thickness of the ice to place their weight with confidence but advancing steadily nonetheless - and perhaps there's a sort of comfort in that. in different circumstances it might almost be amusing, how the both of them being slightly ill-at-ease actually seems to put xingchen more at ease. 'please instruct me as i proceed.' but it seems (based on the way in which he begins unbidden, as well as the verbal clarification which follows) that runyu meant more along the lines of speaking up if he missteps. whether or not he intended to finish his 'if i do something wrong,' xingchen interrupts regardless - first with light knuckles coming to rest along the side of runyu's elbow (as fingertips might, if not for the claws), far too light to mistake for anything more than encouragement, and then with a murmured: ) You'll do fine. ( three quiet words, more warmth than volume, even if the accompanying flicker of a smile doesn't linger in the face of his undeniable unease.
it's not until a good second or two after he's bowed his head slightly to acquiesce the untying efforts that he thinks to offer any more useful words on the matter - but then they come, just as soft as the last despite the fractionally more pragmatic tone. ) These still bleed as well. There isn't much to be done about that. I understand that you might be inclined to tidy them up, but they won't stay as such, so we'd do best just to wrap them back up and be done with it. ( though his words remained steady, at some point amidst them he felt the first layer of bandaging come untied and his breath has been just a bit shallower since (in the way that one's breath often goes shallow when told to hold still). he doesn't quite notice it. he's a bit preoccupied at the moment. though the outer bandage was worn as it typically is, a second bandage remains, this one tied quite a bit tighter and stained a much darker red despite the way in which it layers thicker over each eye. it was the best solution that he and jiang wanyin had at the time to keep the slow but steady leaking of blood from trickling messily down each cheek. he had hoped that perhaps it might hold out until the fog has worked enough healing to stop the bleeding altogether. at the very least, this new bandaging should do precisely that. )
no subject
Runyu can’t help it, the staring that follows the lowering of the first layer of bandages to the stained crimson sunken shapes beneath. His hands clench on the bandages still in his hands and he swallows, turning his head away soon after to contain his expression, his emotion. The vulnerable, fragile acceptance from his friend earlier seems all the more daunting with his wounds revealed like this, his weakness unmasked before him. As his friend has warned, the sunken eyes are still bleeding, weeping, and he wars with the storm of emotions that comes with that added detail. Once again, he recalls the terrible state of another that came back to him, yet how utterly distant she truly was, and his heart swells with the unshakable memory, the fracturing from that loss. But then again, he knows that Xingchen’s situation is different, and that helpless lump lights up into cold flame, turning away from an impotent desire to erase it to destroying the person who would turn his friend’s sacrifice into such visions of trauma. For a long moment, he wonders if they lingered in that illusion long enough, could he give his friend the justice he deserved by embracing that cold, hard fury once more. However, it is that thought that calms him down and brings himself under control, burying both aching agony and the stinging cold whispers of his inner psyche into check. He does not trust himself to not lose himself to it, and such a sight is the last thing he wants Xingchen to witness. There is also a calmer part of Runyu that acknowledges the selfish desire in the supposed actions of erasing it all at this point in time. Even if the powers of the Night Immortal and Heavenly Emperor were returned to him, healing everything with a wave of his hand would be only for his benefit. It is not his place to return his friend’s eyes to him and undo his sacrifice. Not unless that is Xingchen’s decision in a place where he can assist. Which is not here.
He closes his eyes, his throat working as another old revelation fills his mind, of why he couldn’t see his actions clearly back then. And Runyu recognizes the difference here but also the parallels.
The peril.
But it is too late to turn back.
His heart has already opened up to Xingchen and he’s too weak to resist.
No, he’s made the decision to accept the consequences — to hope that he’s strong enough not to fail again.
And so, Runyu busies himself with the care, carefully pulling back the darker bandages and swallowing before placing gauze in their place. Another layer to keep the blood from alarming anyone until the Fog heals him. If Xingchen doesn’t say anything, he starts wrapping the layers of bandages to keep the gauze in place. His eyes narrow as he works, his lips in a firm line to keep his hands from adding too much pressure to the wraps. It’s a thin line between comfort and doing the proper job.
His heart hammers in the back of his mind, his fingers trembling as he works. ]