( though he had little true doubt that an embrace was the wrong course of action, the confirmation which comes as arms wrap around him in return sends warm relief washing through him nonetheless. now that it's freed, his other arm wraps around runyu now as well to complete the embrace. this hand lifts to smooth at the back of his dear friend's head for a moment, thoughtlessly soothing, before dropping to hug more properly.
and for his efforts, xingchen is rewarded with what sounds very much like a smile - one which has him smiling again in return, allowing his head to rest against runyu's (at least for the moment). all in all, the positive reception has briefly distracted him from what feels very much like bandaging layered beneath runyu's robe, but then comes, 'do you need anything?' and he's reminded of them again.
to the words, xingchen hums a quiet hum and shakes his head slightly where it rests against his companion's. ) I've all that I need, at the moment. ( and perhaps that too sounds terribly fond (so sue him) - but he leaves no proper time to dwell on that, continuing in hushed tones, ) I'll need to shift at some point, for the fog - and I've no doubt that I'll need to change out the bandaging by then. ( xiao xingchen, inviting assistance with such a vulnerable task? what's the catch? ) If I were allowed to tend your wounds, I couldn't possibly deny you the chance to do the same. ( ah - that's the catch. )
[ Runyu has momentarily forgotten that part of the fog being upon them, the ordeal of the Coffin House having taken place of any more suffering in his mind. And yet, of course, it is only another part of the harrowing ordeal that is a part of their life here. A part he cannot assist with.
But fate would follow that course, wouldn’t it, as the road has so far, having given him nothing that did not become painful along the way.
Runyu closes his eyes, putting aside the destructive urge to fight against such a fate. He has accepted this part of his life — he has earned it — and as long as he remains here, the suffering from that change isn’t something insurmountable.
The matter of his friend finding his own bandages has him pulling back enough to gaze more critically at his friend at the thick bandages at his throat and the tighter strips around his eyes. He lifts a hand to one side of those over his eyes. ]
If I can assist with such delicate wounds in my limited capacity then you may examine mine. It may seem severe, but it didn’t take my life previously, unlike your own. Don’t worry too much over it. ( He pauses. ) They won't reopen with your change, will they?
( the embrace (or at least the tighter bit of it) turns out to be fairly short-lived... but when runyu withdraws that first arm from around him, it doesn't lead to a proper withdrawal as xingchen might by now have expected. instead, fingertips alight on the bandaging at his temple, just barely heavy enough to be felt through the cloth.
and of course, this strikes up a rather immediate urge to reassure - but runyu has started to speak before he's given the chance, and so one of xingchen's own arms draws away from the embrace (though the other remains just as firmly, if his companion will allow it), his hand lifting instead to wrap lightly around the back of runyu's as if to gently halt any scrutiny which might be occurring.
when runyu's own assurance ends in a question, xingchen allows his faint smile to broaden to something warmer and more reassuring, and he shakes his head (once again just slightly - mindful of his throat wound, it seems). ) I wouldn't think so. And regardless, it wouldn't be more than proper bandaging and the fog can attend to.
[ Although the reply is reassuring in the logic behind it, Runyu’s eyes narrow, his expression turning stormy. The former immortal glances down and away, controlling the dark urge once more. He is no fool. He knows that he is unable to protect his friend from everything — and that the notion is less than even a wish. An idle wave of words from his childish soul.
Still… ]
I would prefer not to rely on the fog for such wounds, but it is what it is here. At least, my lack of experience won’t hinder your healing. That is what matters.
[ Runyu pauses, his eyes falling once again to the bandages around his throat. His hand tightens around his friend’s, recalling the precise cut underneath. How it had awoken the need to both hold and destroy everything around them when it had appeared in the false city — that same urge that had ruined him in his previous life. ]
( though he may not have his sight at current to se the shift in runyu's expression, there's something palpably off about his friend's silence. a tension in it that xingchen can't quite put his finger on. some part of it comes to light a moment later with runyu's words - and in truth, xingchen very much agrees with the first bit, unsettled by such dependence on the fog (and on healing by way of consuming flesh, for that matter) - but that can't be all, can it? it doesn't feel like a 'misgivings about the fog' sort of tension.
if he had to discern, it seems perhaps closest to that which he has seen and felt when his friend is at war with himself, over whether or not to show vulnerability or perhaps even whether or not to allow xingchen to aid him in a time of need. does runyu need aid of some sort? medically, xingchen knows as much, but they've already made arrangements for that.
then the hand he has grasped now turns to take firm hold of his in return, and xingchen's brow knits faintly with inquiry and concern. it's enough to loose his held tongue, no longer quite content to allow runyu privacy in whatever is on his mind - and he opens his mouth with every intention of asking what troubles him, but runyu speaks before he's able.
'make me a promise, xingchen, please.' to which xingchen asks, ) The promise? ( because while it would be quite easy to make runyu a promise and keep it (he has done so dozens of times, after all, even if never explicitly stated as such), there are some which could be asked of him that he might not be able to keep. a promise that he not knowingly endanger himself in the future, for example, wouldn't be unexpected after how terribly worried runyu had been in his absence. )
[ Runyu hesitates, swallowing back the urge to take his friend by the shoulders and shake him, to take away the choice given to him, to manipulate anything that might tear at his ruined psyche. Is this darkness whispering to him fear or something worse? The need to possess him so nothing goes against his control? Runyu does not voice corruption inside him, forging on with his plea.
And yet, his voice quavers with the words spoken. ]
Do not take your own life again. ( He lowers his head, taking a steadying breath. ) As long as I am here and can offer some means of support, do not give up.
[ His lips close, unable to go on. To admit that he cannot stop Xingchen if he falls short in his promise to start anew here. If Runyu somehow fails and is taken from this place. His throat closes up and his fingers itch to reach of the necklace around his neck. ]
( and it aches, the promise runyu asks of him now. one would think that after the great deal (and variety) of pain which xingchen has experienced on this day, it would be quite difficult to wring an ounce more of it from within him - but in practice, it's hardly so tricky. all it takes is one quavering plea.
xingchen's next inhale is slower, drawn with effort past the aching tightness swelling between his lungs, and with his exhale comes a smile both comforting and a little bit sad. it quavers at the corners for a moment, then xingchen swallows hard and shakes his head just slightly. ) My dear friend. You truly think me capable of abandoning you as such? ( his voice comes soft (almost too soft, even with their proximity), but with an abundance of fond warmth to suggest that the question is largely rhetorical.
the hand still wrapped around runyu's own brings that hand down to the space between their chests now, clasping it between both of his. these words come a bit more firmly: ) You need not fear losing me - do you understand?
[ Runyu nearly flinches when Xingchen inhales, dreading the pain he’s caused with this plea, understanding that his fear is a foolish one at this current time — that it was a desperate time when Xingchen had been alone when he had been driven to take his own life. But alas, speaking the words is not nearly enough to disperse the the worry, the obesssion, that still seeps through him after finally seeing and acknowledging that wound, at facing that agonized path aloud. He wants to apologize for the harm he’s caused, but he cannot deny the weight of the dread still churning inside him yet, his will too weak to restrain himself in place he has come to call home.
All this passes in a few moments as Xingchen exhales, releasing a smile that Runyu is already familiar with, one that causes his own heart to twinge because he’s let something slip past his defenses for his friend to see, something he will not stay quiet on. Then the hint of soft teasing follows, further pushing away the veil of doubt and bringing a faint smile to Runyu’s own lips.
It very nearly loosens his lips from the choked up guilt of waking his friend’s nightmare one more time.
And yet, Xingchen doesn’t give him a chance to apologize, folding his hands over Runyu’s and speaking on, not only making the declaration that breaks the wave of despair but piercing it with the firm edge that seems to echo something deeper inside him.
Never again.
Runyu swallows audibly. ]
I’m sorry….
Sorry for my weakness and bringing something this terrible up. After all you’ve gone through, you shouldn’t be taking care of me. Again.
[And yet, it’s futile for Runyu to pull away. He cannot bear to. ]
( in truth, if xingchen knew quite how much of this were sparked by seeing the wound (rather than the abrupt knowledge of how that wound came about), he might hesitate to make good on his agreement to allow runyu to assist in his rebandaging, however much easier that might make the process. as it stands, that particular facet doesn't occur to him.
nor does the fact that runyu may think he's caused some sort of harm - at least not until the apology. a despairing 'i'm sorry', one which has xingchen shaking his head more firmly as soon as it's through. ) That's neither a 'yes' nor a 'no', ( he says, giving runyu's hand a light 'scolding' squeeze. then his head tilts a bit. ) Would you care to try again?
[ Runyu can’t help but release another small smile at his friend’s gentle scolding. He closes his eyes for a moment, regaining his equilibrium, before nodding slowly.
His hand returns the slight squeeze as he makes his response. ]
Yes, I understand. Thank you. And I’m sorry for asking.
[ He looks to their hands, his smile growing, his relief growing at the silly happiness he feels at someone not pulling away from him. ]
( the nod goes unseen, even unheard (as slow as it is) - but luckily, runyu answers aloud as well. and the 'yes, i understand,' earns a quiet, encouraging little smile and the slightest affirming nod of his own.
as for the 'sorry for asking,' xingchen hums a quiet hum and, ) You've done nothing wrong, my friend. Your request is entirely reasonable. ( honestly, it's a promise he would make quite easily if he could trust the nature of this place not to place him in a situation in which ending his life and beginning anew might be the lesser evil - or a situation in which the choice isn't entirely his to make, as was almost the case in the coffin house this morning. but he can say that he'll come back.
with his next inhale, the faintest rush of dizziness washes over him - a warning, perhaps, that his body has recognized that he's made it home and has decided it's time to give out... or perhaps it's something else altogether, but xingchen sees no reason to push his luck on the matter at the moment. instead, he lets out his breath in a conclusive sort of sigh, allowing their hands to drop from his chest to the space between them as he steps past runyu now. ) Come, ( he says, and he's turning again to face runyu, only for ease of tugging lightly with both hands as he backs a step toward the living room. ) We've both walked quite a bit today. Let us sit.
( and xingchen finally releases runyu's hand, granted mostly because he doesn't currently trust his sense of place quite enough to navigate backward to the couch - but he can manage it forward well enough, and soon he's sinking down onto one cushion in relief. )
[ Runyu’s brow furrows as Xingchen releases that sigh, hesitating for a moment before taking a seat by him. He doesn’t want his friend to worry for him when he’s this weak, and he will if Runyu remains standing to give him space. Space that would make it harder for Runyu to smother Xingchen with his fears, doubt that lingers in the shadows of his eyes in spite of the reassuring words between them. Such thoughts still whisper in his mind — that even if Xingchen is no longer suffering to the point of despair, his weakness from the torment in Yi City could lead to more destruction later. And that through his vulnerability, Runyu is as exposed to any suffering. Anguish that has led him to lose his path before — has nearly caused all to forsake him. Runyu swallows audibly, pushing the darkness inside him away, unwilling — yet again — to become a burden due to his turmoil. ]
We have, but it’s been a longer walk for you than I. Do you want any tea or bread? I- ( He chuckles to disguise his remaining unease. ) I started preparing a meal before you left, and it wouldn’t be any trouble to reheat the tea.
( perhaps runyu might not be quite so hesitant to sit alongside him if he knew how far from 'smothering' his presence always manages to be. it's reasonable to worry, regardless of reassurances offered. what they encountered in yi city was unlike anything they've encountered on this peninsula thus far - and were he in runyu's situation, having seemingly gotten himself and his companion out safely only to lose said companion irretrievably in the fog mere minutes later, xingchen would absolutely be fretting in much the same way.
as for any lingering weakness, his current self-assessment claims that there won't be any - but he also recognizes that he isn't entirely objective at the moment. even if there is some manner of wound (literal or otherwise) which takes a bit longer to heal, however, it won't lead anywhere so dramatic as destruction. he carried far worse wounds for the better part of a decade before his lapse in proper judgment led to the last bout of destruction - and that isn't at risk of happening here. he's stronger here. more importantly yet, he has runyu and jiang wanyin. they won't allow disaster to befall him. he learned that quite memorably today.
here and now, runyu hardly sits for a few short (unsettled) seconds before he swallows hard, speaking up before xingchen has time to inquire. 'do you want any tea or bread?' the rational knowledge that he should likely eat is, unfortunately, far less compelling than the turn of his stomach at the thought of eating. the leg he ate for survival's sake was nowhere near enough for a proper meal, but the state of it was so far detached from any concept of edible that it has left him nauseous rather than ravenous for more.
but runyu will sit here and ruminate if he doesn't have something to do, so here comes an appreciative little smile and, ) Tea sounds wonderful. ( in truth, it sounds like one more thing he'll have to war with his stomach over, but it's the least offensive of the options so he'll take it.
and... that will also serve to occupy runyu while he shifts. xingchen thought that he could hold out until dusk as with any other fog, but the churn of his stomach has started to claw its jagged way up his spine and he can't postpone it any longer. a slow, deep breath ends in the faintest rippling shudder which runyu may very well catch the tail end of - then his lips press together a moment, and he's rising smoothly to his feet. )
The tea, please - I'll just be a moment. ( time to excuse himself off into the restroom, shutting (and quietly locking) the door behind him. a moment later comes the sound of the faucet turning on, not overly loud but more than enough so to mask any other sounds which may come. )
[ Runyu answers the seemingly appreciative smile with a wider grin, largely blinded by another outpouring of his own emotions. After the harrowing trial of this day, and even with his friend’s return, the softer control over his emotions in this house is still in a state of disarray, only held at bay by Runyu’s crippling fear of overstepping himself and Runyu’s own reluctance to show that much weakness in front of someone special when they’re in a similar state. He cannot withstand the backlash of losing Xingchen at this point in time, and even with the vow between them forbidding a loss through physical harm (as well as can be made in a realm as twisted as Ryslig), Runyu is all too aware of his capacity to destroy something beautiful with his own hands and driving that peace away from him — especially when it has become all too precious to him. Therefore, he cannot help himself once more.
The relief and joy overwhelm him, joy that he can assist his friend with his pain and offer a modicum of comfort in spite of his previous failing and relief in being given something to occupy his hands and hopefully his mind from the despairing thoughts trying to destroy his attempts to rest his soul here. Indeed, Runyu is too far removed in his relief of being able to commit himself to a task that will allow him to preoccupy his mind with something that isn’t ominous worry to notice his friend’s first shudder. For a moment, that bliss is enough. However, no matter how bright his friend’s first expression appears, Runyu has focused too much on that sight to miss the pressing of his lips afterwards. The telltale sign of stress. And this time, it is Xingchen that speaks before Runyu, revealing the culprit.
Ahhh. He had forgotten that pressing torment that remains before his friend. His own lips turn down into a glowering frown, hands clench into his robes, and he remains silent as his friend retreats to the bathroom. Yet when the water turns on, he rises, intent on completing the task given him. And given further purpose.
The art of tea is an fortifying process, momentarily requiring his full attention. For some, he could get away with a lapse in attention. The potency of the herbs if he had steeped them too late or early would be sufficient for most in this realm, but he refuses to offer less than his best for his friend. He should use the opportunity if there is a chance that it will calm him after yet another ordeal. And he is versed enough in the art to find enjoyment in the activity, which may bring its own moment of clarity for his friend. His dearest friend that continuously seeks for Runyu to find peace and joy in things once more.
Perhaps that is why, after he has prepared the tea, Runyu takes it one step further, stepping outside for a moment. He carefully cuts two chrysanthemums and a hyacinth and returns, placing them in a tall glass in the center of the table after. A reminder of gentler times. ]
( xingchen would be pleased to know that the tea does indeed occupy runyu as intended, even if only briefly. at least, he would be once the immediate circumstances have passed. as it stands, he has very little mind to spare for anything beyond adamant refusal to let the shift tear him apart before he has time to strip bare and stumble into the shower. when runyu steps back inside, he might notice that, too, has been turned on - more noise to cover any unfortunate sounds, one might assume.
in truth, the shower is the one which xingchen actually needs. he's found that it's the simplest way to cleanse off any blood from the shift, and to ensure that no mess is made anywhere else. granted, he usually has the presence of mind to rush through a few preparatory tasks first - tying his hair atop his head, for example, so it doesn't end up soaked - but that, too, is a bit beyond him at the moment as he drops to his knees on the shower floor as carefully and soundlessly as he's able. (it's not careful enough. there's a definite chance that runyu heard it, a faint muffled thud offering one more thing to impotently worry over.)
the shift in itself is as it always has been: brutal but brief. he slips back into clarity less than a minute later, knelt soaking wet on the shower floor, attempting to catch his breath. there's a sharp sting at the sides of his head, and his throat feels- so tight, he's quite certain that's part of why he can't breathe, and both hands lift clumsily to feel at it- no, to claw at it, raising two lines of blood along the side of his neck. he'd forgotten the claws, just like he'd briefly forgotten the bandaging, but that's quite obviously what's making this difficult. it was fine when it was dry, but now it's wet and tight and unyielding, and it's not actually choking him but it still takes quite a bit of willpower to swallow back the mindless anxious certainty that clawing it off might allow him to breathe.
instead, he reaches to turn off the faucet and rises carefully to his feet, each movement measured. and they continue to be as he steps from the tub, locating his towel to dry off with hasty efficiency, to wring the water from his hair before a puddle forms beneath him on the tile. his knuckles find the bandages around his eyes, and these, too, are soaked. they've also got his vulpine ears pinned painfully along his skull, so he's untucking those at the very least, though the bandages are left where they are to drip liberally down his cheeks and nose. the alternative is to let his eye wounds do the same but with blood, so the choice is hardly difficult.
and he's slipping back into the purple robes, tying it firmly in place via the sash at his waist, still drawing and letting out measured breaths which in no way alleviate the breathless burn in his chest or the race of his heart - but they don't need to. he's already tapped into his reservoir of age-old daozhang discipline and placed himself at a distance from both of those things, his mind far calmer than his body. and even that is well-hidden now as he steps from the bathroom now, pausing for a moment to listen and scent for where it is that his dear friend has ended up.
to runyu, even with no visible signs of duress, he's still distinctly more of a mess than is usual post-shift. both his hair and his bandages (eyes and throat alike) are dripping wet, and in lieu of his night form robes, this borrowed one billows in the back as four tails now occupy space meant for none. even the claws on his fingertips are unusual in and of themselves, as nowadays he tends to default to shedding them as soon as he's shifted and calling them back on the rare occasion in which he needs them after all. not to mention the two thin but unmistakable lines of blood down the unwounded side of his throat from the claw mishap.
but xingchen only pauses there a moment, soon making his way to the table and sinking smoothly into his usual chair. ) If it's not too much trouble, ( he says, slightly more breath than voice despite his carefully pleasant tone, and he lifts a somewhat shaky hand to brush at the bandage on his throat with two knuckles. ) I need to remove this, I think. ( a flicker of his brow and a sightless 'glance' back toward the bathroom, because he's realized: ) I should have brought more. ( it's not as if they can leave it unbandaged. )
[ It is a rare occasion that Runyu is grateful for his dear friend’s lack of sight. When his emotions overcome him in such a way that he doesn’t wish to alarm him. But when Xingchen leaves the bathroom, hair dripping, blood on his neck and bandages clinging to his eyes and throat, Runyu starts from his chair before standing still, stopping himself from running to his friend and grabbing ahold of him — he doesn’t need to alarm him further — but that can’t halt his skin from turning a milky white and his limbs from shaking. This is not the same as another person’s return to him, dripping, covered in her own blood, eyes listless. Xingchen has not harmed himself deliberately due to an emptiness he can’t reach (no matter how hard he begged to be let in or how much blood he shed for her). Any peril of that sort has passed. But even with that truth in his heart, the nightmarish ghost has shaken his spirit —that image of her is something he’s never able to forget, nor the shadow of helpless loss. It’s a blessing in disguise that his dear friend can’t see the state he is in. Some of his anguish will reveal itself when he reaches out to him — it would be futile to halt the tremble in his fingertips — but the full scope may escape his friend’s notice due to his own weariness.
He does not wish to cause his friend more worry tonight. They need rest, not another long discussion about the past that nearly broke him so many times before his final descent into madness.
Runyu delays another moment, calling on the centuries of discipline to still the terror clamoring in his mind. That is all he can do. Xingchen needs him in spite of his weakened state. ]
( Runyu walks over to Xingchen, reaching a trembling hand to the bandages on his neck. He checks his pulse, reassuring himself further of his friend’s safety, before he probes gently for the end. His voice is measured, even, trying to hid as much of his turmoil as possible as he assists his friend. ) I’ll bring more out after I’ve untangled this. It shouldn’t have reopened and if it has, we can rip a makeshift bandage to stall for time. ( He swallows momentarily. ) Your cuts … aren’t deep, but I will wrap them as well.
[ Speaking is easier than being quiet and listening to the racing of his heart in the stillness. Maybe it masks his pain, too, at seeing his friend like this, as well. ]
( Runyu releases a sigh as the bandages start to unwind, focusing once more on Xingchen’s face. ) Should I remove the bandages over your eyes as well?
( though runyu doesn't yet answer aloud, xingchen hears him step closer, and so he wills his own hand away from the bandaging to give his companion the space to examine it. in fact, both hands wrap now around his teacup with the faint clicking of claws on ceramic, though he hardly processes whether said cup is hot with pre-poured tea or lukewarm and empty. instead, his attention tracks runyu's hand as it checks his pulse (likely still incriminatingly fast despite his outward calm, though there's little to be done for that) and then turns to unwinding the bandaging at his throat. for his part, xingchen lifts his chin a bit to make sure that it's out of the way, listening to the words as they come. about the wound reopening, and the much smaller scratches his claws opened up just minutes ago. and - ) It hasn't yet closed. ( perhaps that clarification should have waited until it was nearly unwrapped, but it's better to make it known now than to risk runyu discovering for himself and thinking it some sort of alarming new development. ) If all is as expected, it should yet bleed, but not nearly enough to endanger my health. ( hence the bandaging, to catch what blood it does shed in the meantime.
but then comes, 'should i remove the bandages over your eyes as well?' and beneath the upper edge of those very bandages, xingchen's brow knits for the briefest moment of something like subtle hesitation. but then he swallows, perhaps even swallowing down that very hesitation, and: ) Alright. ( and it's steady enough, but it's also just fractionally too quiet to pass as unbothered entirely. and it's not even that he is bothered, as such - he wouldn't consent to it if he were. but this thing which runyu has been given is undeniably vulnerable, perhaps more so than his friend may realize. as silly as it seems, xingchen has come to feel more exposed with what remains of his eyes uncovered than he would in any state of proper undress. and the practical nature of his unbandaging does little to change the fact that this is the first time that runyu will witness the unnerving architecture of a face in which all that remains of his eyes are the concave lids which once covered them - made all the more disconcerting, no doubt, by the blood they've taken to leaking today regardless of whether or not he weeps.
but if and when runyu does reach for the bandaging there, he allows it, steady and unflinching. )
[ Runyu’s hands move steadily to free his friend of the wet wrap around his throat, halting only once when it is revealed that the bleeding hasn’t ceased underneath. Taking a breath to steady himself to focus on the task before him, to not fail in this vital endeavor, he allows himself a moment to examine the wound once before patting the neck area dry and covering the it once more in fresh bandages. He sighs at the sight of the scratches that remain uncovered and dab them with gauze, remaining on the side of caution. Perhaps, he’s fussing.
The quiet acquiesce from his friend stalls Runyu once more, and his eyes lift from his task to Xingchen’s sightless eyes, his own slightly wide. He’s too well versed in his own awkward attempts to remain calm in difficult times to not recognize at least a part of the momentary hesitation in his friend’s usually smooth voice. To understand why his pulse picked up beneath his fingers. Runyu lowers his eyes and swallows, stirred by the delicate willingness offered him, the implied sincere trust and gentle reassurance of honest faith. It’s one word, but the weight in that one word echoes deep in Runyu’s heart. He’s never been entrusted with such precious belief. Inside, it’s deafening and uplifting at the same time, torn between disquiet and warm relief, self-incrimination and hope.
He’s nearly certain that no matter how much he clings to this wondrous existence that it will end by his own hands, but moments like this tear into that dark certainty like falling stars over a cloudy night sky. How can he maintain them?
The Night Immortal hadn’t even expected his gesture to assist with such a personal matter to be accepted.
But Xingchen has. Runyu nods, terrified and gratified. He cannot stop now. ]
Then I’ll do that, ( he murmurs, a tremor underlying his voice. ) Please instruct me as I proceed.
[ After yet another moment, he set his hands on the sides of his temples, eyes narrowed as his fingers move higher to the knots at the back. He swallows audibly. ]
( perhaps he is fussing - and perhaps that might (just this once) be alright. might go without the usual warm reassurance that there's no need, not because there is need (that's still up for debate) but because proving otherwise sounds exhausting at this particular juncture. certainly far more exhausting than allowing himself to be tended to, and perhaps it might even allow runyu to feel a bit better about all of this in the process. far too often in this realm has xingchen felt impotent to assist when someone he cares for is ailing, and he knows that even such little things as tidying a scratch as runyu does now can lend the peace of mind that at least he's done something.
either way, the fussing is quite thoroughly derailed the moment xingchen accepts the offer to unbandage his eyes. the pause which follows (however subtle runyu tries to make it) is perhaps the loudest silence that xingchen has heard in quite a while - as if in that quiet he can hear the way that the offering resonates through runyu, ricocheting off of every single jagged self-flagellative edge that he contains along the way.
(is it truly still so much of a shock for xingchen to trust him wholeheartedly? one would think that runyu might recognize the inevitability of it by now, regardless of whether or not he believes himself deserving of it.)
'then i'll do that,' comes a murmur, sounding every bit as inadvertently tentative as xingchen himself did. as though together they step lightly across the surface of a frozen lake, never quite certain enough of the thickness of the ice to place their weight with confidence but advancing steadily nonetheless - and perhaps there's a sort of comfort in that. in different circumstances it might almost be amusing, how the both of them being slightly ill-at-ease actually seems to put xingchen more at ease. 'please instruct me as i proceed.' but it seems (based on the way in which he begins unbidden, as well as the verbal clarification which follows) that runyu meant more along the lines of speaking up if he missteps. whether or not he intended to finish his 'if i do something wrong,' xingchen interrupts regardless - first with light knuckles coming to rest along the side of runyu's elbow (as fingertips might, if not for the claws), far too light to mistake for anything more than encouragement, and then with a murmured: ) You'll do fine. ( three quiet words, more warmth than volume, even if the accompanying flicker of a smile doesn't linger in the face of his undeniable unease.
it's not until a good second or two after he's bowed his head slightly to acquiesce the untying efforts that he thinks to offer any more useful words on the matter - but then they come, just as soft as the last despite the fractionally more pragmatic tone. ) These still bleed as well. There isn't much to be done about that. I understand that you might be inclined to tidy them up, but they won't stay as such, so we'd do best just to wrap them back up and be done with it. ( though his words remained steady, at some point amidst them he felt the first layer of bandaging come untied and his breath has been just a bit shallower since (in the way that one's breath often goes shallow when told to hold still). he doesn't quite notice it. he's a bit preoccupied at the moment. though the outer bandage was worn as it typically is, a second bandage remains, this one tied quite a bit tighter and stained a much darker red despite the way in which it layers thicker over each eye. it was the best solution that he and jiang wanyin had at the time to keep the slow but steady leaking of blood from trickling messily down each cheek. he had hoped that perhaps it might hold out until the fog has worked enough healing to stop the bleeding altogether. at the very least, this new bandaging should do precisely that. )
[Runyu believed those words and soft gesture from Xingchen would steady him for the next part, the gentle pressure to believe in his friend’s faith warming him up from the chilling disquiet that lingered inside him at the acceptance. He listens to the warning and believes he is prepared. But it is still not enough.
Runyu can’t help it, the staring that follows the lowering of the first layer of bandages to the stained crimson sunken shapes beneath. His hands clench on the bandages still in his hands and he swallows, turning his head away soon after to contain his expression, his emotion. The vulnerable, fragile acceptance from his friend earlier seems all the more daunting with his wounds revealed like this, his weakness unmasked before him. As his friend has warned, the sunken eyes are still bleeding, weeping, and he wars with the storm of emotions that comes with that added detail. Once again, he recalls the terrible state of another that came back to him, yet how utterly distant she truly was, and his heart swells with the unshakable memory, the fracturing from that loss. But then again, he knows that Xingchen’s situation is different, and that helpless lump lights up into cold flame, turning away from an impotent desire to erase it to destroying the person who would turn his friend’s sacrifice into such visions of trauma. For a long moment, he wonders if they lingered in that illusion long enough, could he give his friend the justice he deserved by embracing that cold, hard fury once more. However, it is that thought that calms him down and brings himself under control, burying both aching agony and the stinging cold whispers of his inner psyche into check. He does not trust himself to not lose himself to it, and such a sight is the last thing he wants Xingchen to witness. There is also a calmer part of Runyu that acknowledges the selfish desire in the supposed actions of erasing it all at this point in time. Even if the powers of the Night Immortal and Heavenly Emperor were returned to him, healing everything with a wave of his hand would be only for his benefit. It is not his place to return his friend’s eyes to him and undo his sacrifice. Not unless that is Xingchen’s decision in a place where he can assist. Which is not here.
He closes his eyes, his throat working as another old revelation fills his mind, of why he couldn’t see his actions clearly back then. And Runyu recognizes the difference here but also the parallels.
The peril.
But it is too late to turn back.
His heart has already opened up to Xingchen and he’s too weak to resist.
No, he’s made the decision to accept the consequences — to hope that he’s strong enough not to fail again.
And so, Runyu busies himself with the care, carefully pulling back the darker bandages and swallowing before placing gauze in their place. Another layer to keep the blood from alarming anyone until the Fog heals him. If Xingchen doesn’t say anything, he starts wrapping the layers of bandages to keep the gauze in place. His eyes narrow as he works, his lips in a firm line to keep his hands from adding too much pressure to the wraps. It’s a thin line between comfort and doing the proper job.
His heart hammers in the back of his mind, his fingers trembling as he works. ]
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and for his efforts, xingchen is rewarded with what sounds very much like a smile - one which has him smiling again in return, allowing his head to rest against runyu's (at least for the moment). all in all, the positive reception has briefly distracted him from what feels very much like bandaging layered beneath runyu's robe, but then comes, 'do you need anything?' and he's reminded of them again.
to the words, xingchen hums a quiet hum and shakes his head slightly where it rests against his companion's. ) I've all that I need, at the moment. ( and perhaps that too sounds terribly fond (so sue him) - but he leaves no proper time to dwell on that, continuing in hushed tones, ) I'll need to shift at some point, for the fog - and I've no doubt that I'll need to change out the bandaging by then. ( xiao xingchen, inviting assistance with such a vulnerable task? what's the catch? ) If I were allowed to tend your wounds, I couldn't possibly deny you the chance to do the same. ( ah - that's the catch. )
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But fate would follow that course, wouldn’t it, as the road has so far, having given him nothing that did not become painful along the way.
Runyu closes his eyes, putting aside the destructive urge to fight against such a fate. He has accepted this part of his life — he has earned it — and as long as he remains here, the suffering from that change isn’t something insurmountable.
The matter of his friend finding his own bandages has him pulling back enough to gaze more critically at his friend at the thick bandages at his throat and the tighter strips around his eyes. He lifts a hand to one side of those over his eyes. ]
If I can assist with such delicate wounds in my limited capacity then you may examine mine. It may seem severe, but it didn’t take my life previously, unlike your own. Don’t worry too much over it. ( He pauses. ) They won't reopen with your change, will they?
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and of course, this strikes up a rather immediate urge to reassure - but runyu has started to speak before he's given the chance, and so one of xingchen's own arms draws away from the embrace (though the other remains just as firmly, if his companion will allow it), his hand lifting instead to wrap lightly around the back of runyu's as if to gently halt any scrutiny which might be occurring.
when runyu's own assurance ends in a question, xingchen allows his faint smile to broaden to something warmer and more reassuring, and he shakes his head (once again just slightly - mindful of his throat wound, it seems). ) I wouldn't think so. And regardless, it wouldn't be more than proper bandaging and the fog can attend to.
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Still… ]
I would prefer not to rely on the fog for such wounds, but it is what it is here. At least, my lack of experience won’t hinder your healing. That is what matters.
[ Runyu pauses, his eyes falling once again to the bandages around his throat. His hand tightens around his friend’s, recalling the precise cut underneath. How it had awoken the need to both hold and destroy everything around them when it had appeared in the false city — that same urge that had ruined him in his previous life. ]
Make me a promise, Xingchen, please.
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if he had to discern, it seems perhaps closest to that which he has seen and felt when his friend is at war with himself, over whether or not to show vulnerability or perhaps even whether or not to allow xingchen to aid him in a time of need. does runyu need aid of some sort? medically, xingchen knows as much, but they've already made arrangements for that.
then the hand he has grasped now turns to take firm hold of his in return, and xingchen's brow knits faintly with inquiry and concern. it's enough to loose his held tongue, no longer quite content to allow runyu privacy in whatever is on his mind - and he opens his mouth with every intention of asking what troubles him, but runyu speaks before he's able.
'make me a promise, xingchen, please.' to which xingchen asks, ) The promise? ( because while it would be quite easy to make runyu a promise and keep it (he has done so dozens of times, after all, even if never explicitly stated as such), there are some which could be asked of him that he might not be able to keep. a promise that he not knowingly endanger himself in the future, for example, wouldn't be unexpected after how terribly worried runyu had been in his absence. )
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And yet, his voice quavers with the words spoken. ]
Do not take your own life again. ( He lowers his head, taking a steadying breath. ) As long as I am here and can offer some means of support, do not give up.
[ His lips close, unable to go on. To admit that he cannot stop Xingchen if he falls short in his promise to start anew here. If Runyu somehow fails and is taken from this place. His throat closes up and his fingers itch to reach of the necklace around his neck. ]
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xingchen's next inhale is slower, drawn with effort past the aching tightness swelling between his lungs, and with his exhale comes a smile both comforting and a little bit sad. it quavers at the corners for a moment, then xingchen swallows hard and shakes his head just slightly. ) My dear friend. You truly think me capable of abandoning you as such? ( his voice comes soft (almost too soft, even with their proximity), but with an abundance of fond warmth to suggest that the question is largely rhetorical.
the hand still wrapped around runyu's own brings that hand down to the space between their chests now, clasping it between both of his. these words come a bit more firmly: ) You need not fear losing me - do you understand?
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All this passes in a few moments as Xingchen exhales, releasing a smile that Runyu is already familiar with, one that causes his own heart to twinge because he’s let something slip past his defenses for his friend to see, something he will not stay quiet on. Then the hint of soft teasing follows, further pushing away the veil of doubt and bringing a faint smile to Runyu’s own lips.
It very nearly loosens his lips from the choked up guilt of waking his friend’s nightmare one more time.
And yet, Xingchen doesn’t give him a chance to apologize, folding his hands over Runyu’s and speaking on, not only making the declaration that breaks the wave of despair but piercing it with the firm edge that seems to echo something deeper inside him.
Never again.
Runyu swallows audibly. ]
I’m sorry….
Sorry for my weakness and bringing something this terrible up. After all you’ve gone through, you shouldn’t be taking care of me. Again.
[And yet, it’s futile for Runyu to pull away. He cannot bear to. ]
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nor does the fact that runyu may think he's caused some sort of harm - at least not until the apology. a despairing 'i'm sorry', one which has xingchen shaking his head more firmly as soon as it's through. ) That's neither a 'yes' nor a 'no', ( he says, giving runyu's hand a light 'scolding' squeeze. then his head tilts a bit. ) Would you care to try again?
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His hand returns the slight squeeze as he makes his response. ]
Yes, I understand. Thank you. And I’m sorry for asking.
[ He looks to their hands, his smile growing, his relief growing at the silly happiness he feels at someone not pulling away from him. ]
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as for the 'sorry for asking,' xingchen hums a quiet hum and, ) You've done nothing wrong, my friend. Your request is entirely reasonable. ( honestly, it's a promise he would make quite easily if he could trust the nature of this place not to place him in a situation in which ending his life and beginning anew might be the lesser evil - or a situation in which the choice isn't entirely his to make, as was almost the case in the coffin house this morning. but he can say that he'll come back.
with his next inhale, the faintest rush of dizziness washes over him - a warning, perhaps, that his body has recognized that he's made it home and has decided it's time to give out... or perhaps it's something else altogether, but xingchen sees no reason to push his luck on the matter at the moment. instead, he lets out his breath in a conclusive sort of sigh, allowing their hands to drop from his chest to the space between them as he steps past runyu now. ) Come, ( he says, and he's turning again to face runyu, only for ease of tugging lightly with both hands as he backs a step toward the living room. ) We've both walked quite a bit today. Let us sit.
( and xingchen finally releases runyu's hand, granted mostly because he doesn't currently trust his sense of place quite enough to navigate backward to the couch - but he can manage it forward well enough, and soon he's sinking down onto one cushion in relief. )
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We have, but it’s been a longer walk for you than I. Do you want any tea or bread? I- ( He chuckles to disguise his remaining unease. ) I started preparing a meal before you left, and it wouldn’t be any trouble to reheat the tea.
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as for any lingering weakness, his current self-assessment claims that there won't be any - but he also recognizes that he isn't entirely objective at the moment. even if there is some manner of wound (literal or otherwise) which takes a bit longer to heal, however, it won't lead anywhere so dramatic as destruction. he carried far worse wounds for the better part of a decade before his lapse in proper judgment led to the last bout of destruction - and that isn't at risk of happening here. he's stronger here. more importantly yet, he has runyu and jiang wanyin. they won't allow disaster to befall him. he learned that quite memorably today.
here and now, runyu hardly sits for a few short (unsettled) seconds before he swallows hard, speaking up before xingchen has time to inquire. 'do you want any tea or bread?' the rational knowledge that he should likely eat is, unfortunately, far less compelling than the turn of his stomach at the thought of eating. the leg he ate for survival's sake was nowhere near enough for a proper meal, but the state of it was so far detached from any concept of edible that it has left him nauseous rather than ravenous for more.
but runyu will sit here and ruminate if he doesn't have something to do, so here comes an appreciative little smile and, ) Tea sounds wonderful. ( in truth, it sounds like one more thing he'll have to war with his stomach over, but it's the least offensive of the options so he'll take it.
and... that will also serve to occupy runyu while he shifts. xingchen thought that he could hold out until dusk as with any other fog, but the churn of his stomach has started to claw its jagged way up his spine and he can't postpone it any longer. a slow, deep breath ends in the faintest rippling shudder which runyu may very well catch the tail end of - then his lips press together a moment, and he's rising smoothly to his feet. )
The tea, please - I'll just be a moment. ( time to excuse himself off into the restroom, shutting (and quietly locking) the door behind him. a moment later comes the sound of the faucet turning on, not overly loud but more than enough so to mask any other sounds which may come. )
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The relief and joy overwhelm him, joy that he can assist his friend with his pain and offer a modicum of comfort in spite of his previous failing and relief in being given something to occupy his hands and hopefully his mind from the despairing thoughts trying to destroy his attempts to rest his soul here. Indeed, Runyu is too far removed in his relief of being able to commit himself to a task that will allow him to preoccupy his mind with something that isn’t ominous worry to notice his friend’s first shudder. For a moment, that bliss is enough. However, no matter how bright his friend’s first expression appears, Runyu has focused too much on that sight to miss the pressing of his lips afterwards. The telltale sign of stress. And this time, it is Xingchen that speaks before Runyu, revealing the culprit.
Ahhh. He had forgotten that pressing torment that remains before his friend. His own lips turn down into a glowering frown, hands clench into his robes, and he remains silent as his friend retreats to the bathroom. Yet when the water turns on, he rises, intent on completing the task given him. And given further purpose.
The art of tea is an fortifying process, momentarily requiring his full attention. For some, he could get away with a lapse in attention. The potency of the herbs if he had steeped them too late or early would be sufficient for most in this realm, but he refuses to offer less than his best for his friend. He should use the opportunity if there is a chance that it will calm him after yet another ordeal. And he is versed enough in the art to find enjoyment in the activity, which may bring its own moment of clarity for his friend. His dearest friend that continuously seeks for Runyu to find peace and joy in things once more.
Perhaps that is why, after he has prepared the tea, Runyu takes it one step further, stepping outside for a moment. He carefully cuts two chrysanthemums and a hyacinth and returns, placing them in a tall glass in the center of the table after. A reminder of gentler times. ]
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in truth, the shower is the one which xingchen actually needs. he's found that it's the simplest way to cleanse off any blood from the shift, and to ensure that no mess is made anywhere else. granted, he usually has the presence of mind to rush through a few preparatory tasks first - tying his hair atop his head, for example, so it doesn't end up soaked - but that, too, is a bit beyond him at the moment as he drops to his knees on the shower floor as carefully and soundlessly as he's able. (it's not careful enough. there's a definite chance that runyu heard it, a faint muffled thud offering one more thing to impotently worry over.)
the shift in itself is as it always has been: brutal but brief. he slips back into clarity less than a minute later, knelt soaking wet on the shower floor, attempting to catch his breath. there's a sharp sting at the sides of his head, and his throat feels- so tight, he's quite certain that's part of why he can't breathe, and both hands lift clumsily to feel at it- no, to claw at it, raising two lines of blood along the side of his neck. he'd forgotten the claws, just like he'd briefly forgotten the bandaging, but that's quite obviously what's making this difficult. it was fine when it was dry, but now it's wet and tight and unyielding, and it's not actually choking him but it still takes quite a bit of willpower to swallow back the mindless anxious certainty that clawing it off might allow him to breathe.
instead, he reaches to turn off the faucet and rises carefully to his feet, each movement measured. and they continue to be as he steps from the tub, locating his towel to dry off with hasty efficiency, to wring the water from his hair before a puddle forms beneath him on the tile. his knuckles find the bandages around his eyes, and these, too, are soaked. they've also got his vulpine ears pinned painfully along his skull, so he's untucking those at the very least, though the bandages are left where they are to drip liberally down his cheeks and nose. the alternative is to let his eye wounds do the same but with blood, so the choice is hardly difficult.
and he's slipping back into the purple robes, tying it firmly in place via the sash at his waist, still drawing and letting out measured breaths which in no way alleviate the breathless burn in his chest or the race of his heart - but they don't need to. he's already tapped into his reservoir of age-old daozhang discipline and placed himself at a distance from both of those things, his mind far calmer than his body. and even that is well-hidden now as he steps from the bathroom now, pausing for a moment to listen and scent for where it is that his dear friend has ended up.
to runyu, even with no visible signs of duress, he's still distinctly more of a mess than is usual post-shift. both his hair and his bandages (eyes and throat alike) are dripping wet, and in lieu of his night form robes, this borrowed one billows in the back as four tails now occupy space meant for none. even the claws on his fingertips are unusual in and of themselves, as nowadays he tends to default to shedding them as soon as he's shifted and calling them back on the rare occasion in which he needs them after all. not to mention the two thin but unmistakable lines of blood down the unwounded side of his throat from the claw mishap.
but xingchen only pauses there a moment, soon making his way to the table and sinking smoothly into his usual chair. ) If it's not too much trouble, ( he says, slightly more breath than voice despite his carefully pleasant tone, and he lifts a somewhat shaky hand to brush at the bandage on his throat with two knuckles. ) I need to remove this, I think. ( a flicker of his brow and a sightless 'glance' back toward the bathroom, because he's realized: ) I should have brought more. ( it's not as if they can leave it unbandaged. )
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He does not wish to cause his friend more worry tonight. They need rest, not another long discussion about the past that nearly broke him so many times before his final descent into madness.
Runyu delays another moment, calling on the centuries of discipline to still the terror clamoring in his mind. That is all he can do. Xingchen needs him in spite of his weakened state. ]
( Runyu walks over to Xingchen, reaching a trembling hand to the bandages on his neck. He checks his pulse, reassuring himself further of his friend’s safety, before he probes gently for the end. His voice is measured, even, trying to hid as much of his turmoil as possible as he assists his friend. ) I’ll bring more out after I’ve untangled this. It shouldn’t have reopened and if it has, we can rip a makeshift bandage to stall for time. ( He swallows momentarily. ) Your cuts … aren’t deep, but I will wrap them as well.
[ Speaking is easier than being quiet and listening to the racing of his heart in the stillness. Maybe it masks his pain, too, at seeing his friend like this, as well. ]
( Runyu releases a sigh as the bandages start to unwind, focusing once more on Xingchen’s face. ) Should I remove the bandages over your eyes as well?
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but then comes, 'should i remove the bandages over your eyes as well?' and beneath the upper edge of those very bandages, xingchen's brow knits for the briefest moment of something like subtle hesitation. but then he swallows, perhaps even swallowing down that very hesitation, and: ) Alright. ( and it's steady enough, but it's also just fractionally too quiet to pass as unbothered entirely. and it's not even that he is bothered, as such - he wouldn't consent to it if he were. but this thing which runyu has been given is undeniably vulnerable, perhaps more so than his friend may realize. as silly as it seems, xingchen has come to feel more exposed with what remains of his eyes uncovered than he would in any state of proper undress. and the practical nature of his unbandaging does little to change the fact that this is the first time that runyu will witness the unnerving architecture of a face in which all that remains of his eyes are the concave lids which once covered them - made all the more disconcerting, no doubt, by the blood they've taken to leaking today regardless of whether or not he weeps.
but if and when runyu does reach for the bandaging there, he allows it, steady and unflinching. )
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The quiet acquiesce from his friend stalls Runyu once more, and his eyes lift from his task to Xingchen’s sightless eyes, his own slightly wide. He’s too well versed in his own awkward attempts to remain calm in difficult times to not recognize at least a part of the momentary hesitation in his friend’s usually smooth voice. To understand why his pulse picked up beneath his fingers. Runyu lowers his eyes and swallows, stirred by the delicate willingness offered him, the implied sincere trust and gentle reassurance of honest faith. It’s one word, but the weight in that one word echoes deep in Runyu’s heart. He’s never been entrusted with such precious belief. Inside, it’s deafening and uplifting at the same time, torn between disquiet and warm relief, self-incrimination and hope.
He’s nearly certain that no matter how much he clings to this wondrous existence that it will end by his own hands, but moments like this tear into that dark certainty like falling stars over a cloudy night sky. How can he maintain them?
The Night Immortal hadn’t even expected his gesture to assist with such a personal matter to be accepted.
But Xingchen has. Runyu nods, terrified and gratified. He cannot stop now. ]
Then I’ll do that, ( he murmurs, a tremor underlying his voice. ) Please instruct me as I proceed.
[ After yet another moment, he set his hands on the sides of his temples, eyes narrowed as his fingers move higher to the knots at the back. He swallows audibly. ]
If I do something wrong…
[ Please stop me. ]
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either way, the fussing is quite thoroughly derailed the moment xingchen accepts the offer to unbandage his eyes. the pause which follows (however subtle runyu tries to make it) is perhaps the loudest silence that xingchen has heard in quite a while - as if in that quiet he can hear the way that the offering resonates through runyu, ricocheting off of every single jagged self-flagellative edge that he contains along the way.
(is it truly still so much of a shock for xingchen to trust him wholeheartedly? one would think that runyu might recognize the inevitability of it by now, regardless of whether or not he believes himself deserving of it.)
'then i'll do that,' comes a murmur, sounding every bit as inadvertently tentative as xingchen himself did. as though together they step lightly across the surface of a frozen lake, never quite certain enough of the thickness of the ice to place their weight with confidence but advancing steadily nonetheless - and perhaps there's a sort of comfort in that. in different circumstances it might almost be amusing, how the both of them being slightly ill-at-ease actually seems to put xingchen more at ease. 'please instruct me as i proceed.' but it seems (based on the way in which he begins unbidden, as well as the verbal clarification which follows) that runyu meant more along the lines of speaking up if he missteps. whether or not he intended to finish his 'if i do something wrong,' xingchen interrupts regardless - first with light knuckles coming to rest along the side of runyu's elbow (as fingertips might, if not for the claws), far too light to mistake for anything more than encouragement, and then with a murmured: ) You'll do fine. ( three quiet words, more warmth than volume, even if the accompanying flicker of a smile doesn't linger in the face of his undeniable unease.
it's not until a good second or two after he's bowed his head slightly to acquiesce the untying efforts that he thinks to offer any more useful words on the matter - but then they come, just as soft as the last despite the fractionally more pragmatic tone. ) These still bleed as well. There isn't much to be done about that. I understand that you might be inclined to tidy them up, but they won't stay as such, so we'd do best just to wrap them back up and be done with it. ( though his words remained steady, at some point amidst them he felt the first layer of bandaging come untied and his breath has been just a bit shallower since (in the way that one's breath often goes shallow when told to hold still). he doesn't quite notice it. he's a bit preoccupied at the moment. though the outer bandage was worn as it typically is, a second bandage remains, this one tied quite a bit tighter and stained a much darker red despite the way in which it layers thicker over each eye. it was the best solution that he and jiang wanyin had at the time to keep the slow but steady leaking of blood from trickling messily down each cheek. he had hoped that perhaps it might hold out until the fog has worked enough healing to stop the bleeding altogether. at the very least, this new bandaging should do precisely that. )
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Runyu can’t help it, the staring that follows the lowering of the first layer of bandages to the stained crimson sunken shapes beneath. His hands clench on the bandages still in his hands and he swallows, turning his head away soon after to contain his expression, his emotion. The vulnerable, fragile acceptance from his friend earlier seems all the more daunting with his wounds revealed like this, his weakness unmasked before him. As his friend has warned, the sunken eyes are still bleeding, weeping, and he wars with the storm of emotions that comes with that added detail. Once again, he recalls the terrible state of another that came back to him, yet how utterly distant she truly was, and his heart swells with the unshakable memory, the fracturing from that loss. But then again, he knows that Xingchen’s situation is different, and that helpless lump lights up into cold flame, turning away from an impotent desire to erase it to destroying the person who would turn his friend’s sacrifice into such visions of trauma. For a long moment, he wonders if they lingered in that illusion long enough, could he give his friend the justice he deserved by embracing that cold, hard fury once more. However, it is that thought that calms him down and brings himself under control, burying both aching agony and the stinging cold whispers of his inner psyche into check. He does not trust himself to not lose himself to it, and such a sight is the last thing he wants Xingchen to witness. There is also a calmer part of Runyu that acknowledges the selfish desire in the supposed actions of erasing it all at this point in time. Even if the powers of the Night Immortal and Heavenly Emperor were returned to him, healing everything with a wave of his hand would be only for his benefit. It is not his place to return his friend’s eyes to him and undo his sacrifice. Not unless that is Xingchen’s decision in a place where he can assist. Which is not here.
He closes his eyes, his throat working as another old revelation fills his mind, of why he couldn’t see his actions clearly back then. And Runyu recognizes the difference here but also the parallels.
The peril.
But it is too late to turn back.
His heart has already opened up to Xingchen and he’s too weak to resist.
No, he’s made the decision to accept the consequences — to hope that he’s strong enough not to fail again.
And so, Runyu busies himself with the care, carefully pulling back the darker bandages and swallowing before placing gauze in their place. Another layer to keep the blood from alarming anyone until the Fog heals him. If Xingchen doesn’t say anything, he starts wrapping the layers of bandages to keep the gauze in place. His eyes narrow as he works, his lips in a firm line to keep his hands from adding too much pressure to the wraps. It’s a thin line between comfort and doing the proper job.
His heart hammers in the back of his mind, his fingers trembling as he works. ]